A Protostomian View of the World

This is going to be a joint blog of HyperSpeziFisch and Protostomia. We are both Blogger and colleagues from the uni.

We haven’t known each other for long, we only met fairly recently but we seem to share an interesting feature.

Both of us are most dearly loved by Murphy and his law.

So we decided to share our experiences and thoughts about Murphy with you and show you how interesting and unpredictable life can be, when you are the object of such disastrous love.

HyperSpeziFisch

It was about two years ago when I finally accepted that Murphy harbours an obsessive, compulsory love for me. Ever since, I regard myself as being engaged to him.

There were all this little hints that he was secretly in love with me:

• When I bought a watch it was only a matter of time until the small clockhand fell off. The glass was totally untouched, nothing was broken, nothing had touched the inside off the watch but still, WITHIN the glass, the small clockhand fell off. How can that even happen? And not only once! It happens with almost every watch I ever purchase.
• It was perfectly fine weather, but the instant I went out of the building it began to rain. It stopped when I got into the bus only to turn into hail the moment I got out of the bus. The hailstones increased in size until I got into the Biocenter. Once inside the bright sun showed its face again. (And I swear by my heart that this story is not made up or even exaggerated the slightest)
• I was on my way to school when I saw a little cat and I bent down to stroke it – that was when my trousers tore apart.
• When I wrote something on a computer where there was no chance of saving it before sending, most certainly something went wrong with the sending process and I had to write the whole long thing again.

So you see, I should have noticed that some bad-luck angel had a secret crush on me. And that were by far not the only signs. Believe me when I tell you that there were thousands more.

But it only ever gets really dire, when it comes to the subject of boys… Whenever there is a “guy” who shows interest in me it either is a middle aged, smelly alcoholic, a freaky looking, nearly bold gnome that is even smaller than me, or a scary psychopath who stalks me and looks like he is going to run amok and kill everyone in sight any time soon. And when I am interested in a guy he either doesn’t know that I exist, doesn’t jump on any of my hints and attempts to find out about his feelings of tells me flat out that he is in no way interested in me.

It seems that Murphy is a really jealous fiancé. Considering that he seems to be a bisexual promiscuous lover, that’s a little unfair.

Protostomia

The first time I became aware of Murphy was when I listened to a comedian, explaining the famous “buttered-cat paradox”. Suddenly I realized most of the coherences between the world, the universe and everything. Everything ever went wrong in my life suddenly made sense. All the wicked experiences I ever had to suffer suddenly arose in a completely meaningful and enlightening stream of consciousness.

I’m not good at phrasing examples, but since it will come out bad anyway I decided to try nevertheless.

• Whenever an appointment or event is rated as highly important I’m pretty sure to fail attendance. Acts of nature beyond human control strike with all their fantasies and creativeness and the results are insane stress levels, heart sickness and many chaos around the world.
• Trying to write or produce accurate work however, all matters of the universe work against my feeble mind and my coordinative muscle controls. Lab results as well as final reports (or blog articles) end usually up in a huge mess (describable as “the infinite sum of the ramifications triggered by the utilization of any possible way of doing anything wrong”).
• The same thing takes place when I try to erect a piece of furniture (e.g. IKEA), the last piece in the box will make it clear that the first step of the mounting process was completely wrong.
• Then there’s “the thing about women”. Any effort on gaining new female friends, girlfriends or even simple “mating partners” ends up in the absolute extinction of self-confidence and self-possession. In consequence, women are very likely to spread the word about the weak (or even dark) sides of my personality with the effect that the whole network of a single woman becomes suddenly unavailable for further contact and the level of social isolation increases.
• But it happened that I was successful. Those were single mothers, schizophrenic helper syndromes or as ugly as sin
• I am a hero of organization. Whenever I put something at a deeply considered place I’ll never find it again. Or years later. Or never again.
• Whenever it is important to understand something very exactly (e.g. during exams, exercises etc.), the probability to make slips of the pen is 1.

But even though our life is a test track for Murphy’s Law, we refuse to see us as a victim of fate. We fully appreciate that life wouldn’t be half as interesting without Murphy loving us!! And all the things that happen to us without the chance of controlling it, are chances for us to learn and make new experiences. We create our lives around these circumstances and as time drew on, we learned to love Murphy back. We learned to enjoy all the little uncontrollable things that happen to us and now we can’t imagine living without them.

So we decided that we will one day test our luck to the extreme.

We are going to have a coffee and see whether the Biocenter will be destroyed by the joint force of Murphy’s love or whether our bad-luck angels will annul each other. So if you ever hear of a giant explosion in Basel, where a whole building crashed and total chaos reigned you know what happened. Please tell our friends and families that we love them and that we didn’t mean any harm.

So here is our question to our readers: What are your experiences with Murphy? Are you Murphy’s lover, too? And if yes, what do you make out of it? Leave your comment in the comment section below and let’s hope that the internet is not going to crash.